Joshua, Son of None
I hate taking my job home with me. And I shouldn't have to do it. But any person who is commited to what he does will find that what he does commits itself to him. A piece of his work attaches itself to piece of his soul and... well, work comes home with him.And so I find 'Joshua' in my head right now. Of course that's not his real name, but he's a real person with unreal experiences and challenges. Unreal.
Anyway, Joshua has really been struggling. He's an oversized 13-year-old with anxiety and behavioral disorders like you wouldn't believe, a family with a sad history of poverty and dysfunction, a personal history that includes real and imagined abuse from both sides of the victim line and... well, I think you get the picture.
Joshua is a "primary" client of mine, meaning I am tasked with supporting him to a more personal degree than other "sociotherapists" where I work. Joshua is experiencing a cyclical pattern of behavior swings that are nearly bi-polar, (but I don't think that is how Joshua has been diagnosed.) During his "up" swings, one can easily see the beauty in this unfortunate child, so eager to please, so desperate to have a sense of security. During his down swings, a cherbuic face hardens into a stubborn pout and his body language exhudes a message of hostility and distrust.
However, it's his behaviors that make Joshua such a problematic client. He attacks people (and makes gestures of self-harm), destroys property makes threats and frequently attempts to run away from the treatment facility to which he has been remanded. During these times he vehemently denies any self worth, makes suicidal and homicidal statements and lauches into vulgar tirades against the staff tasked with ensuring his protection and welfare.
In his search for security, he thrashes about; wanting, needing, aching to destroy the environment that dares to promise him hope of normalcy. How dare such hope be proferred! How dare the world set him up for disappointment again! How dare anyone try to make Joshua buy into a bullshit vision of a mother and a father and a dog and happily ever-fucking-after! How dare they!
And woe be to he who would offer the hand of friend-ship, of brother-ship, of father-ship; for Joshua is the son of None. His own family was never more than an instrument of woe, leaving him shipwrecked on a psychological beach of viscious predators and eager scavengers. And woe to he who would say "I understand" because you can't understand, baby!
Hell, I thought I had been through some shit with my Native Son-like origins and adventures. I couldn't walk a mile in Joshua's moccasins if you spotted me 3,000 feet and a shoe horn. Despite the fact that most of my childhood was spent without a father figure, I was never a son of None - I always had somebody. Can't say the same for poor Joshua. And so his reality is what it is. He responds to it the best he can.
Those of us who are committed to our work try to offer Joshua what love we can, because when your life has been that fucked up, when you have challenges that big in front of you; love is about the only team mate than can make a difference.
Nonetheless, I hate taking my job home with me... be well, JH.
posted by JahStorm @ 5:17 PM
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